A nyari szabadsagolasok idejen csak Gazsi van az irodaban, amikor 
egy targyalasi ajanlat erkezik Londonbol. Nincs mit tenni, Gazsinak 
el kell repulnie Londonba, jollehet egy szot sem beszel angolul. 
Munkatarsai biztatjak, hogy csak beszeljen szepen, lassan, 
artikulaltan, es akkor mindenki megerti. Gazsi igen bizalmatlan, de 
azert elrepul es Londonban bemegy egy kocsmaba, hogy kiprobalja a 
modszert.
- Ke-rek egy kor-so sort! - mondja nagyon lassan Gazsi a pultosnak.
- Vi-la-go-sat vagy bar-nat? - kerdi erre a pultos szinten szep lassan.
- Hat Te is la-jos-mi-zse-i vagy? - kerdi Gazsi artikulaltan.
- I-gen! - valaszolja a pultos gondosan formalva a szotagokat.
Mire Gazsi azt kerdi:
- Ak-kor mar csak azt mondd meg, mi-ert be-sze-lunk mi most 
an-go-lul?

Ferfitarsaim!

Most, hogy Lorena Bobbittot a birosag jol felmentette, ismet vedekezni
kenyszerulunk. Nem biztos, hogy az MVP hathatosan meg tud ovni minket,
illetve feltett szerveinket.
Mi a megoldas?  Csatlakozzatok a PPP-hez!


        "WOMAN CLIPS OFF SLEEPING HUSBAND'S PENIS THEN
                 THROWS IT FROM MOVING AUTO"

     DON'T LAUGH, IT'S TRUE AND IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!!!

Right now, thousands of agitated, irate women have read that
headline and are contemplating taking that action against you
the next time you make an uninvited sexual advance, look at them
the wrong way, or just piss them off in general (not to mention
PMS and "that time for the month").

                 MEN, PROTECT YOURSELVES NOW!!!

If you find yourself a victim of "CLIP AND FLIP SYNDROME" could
you be sure that the appropriate authorities would find your
clipped member in time and intact?  Could you be sure that the
penis part they find is yours?

Sign up now for our low cost Penis Protection Plan (known as
PPP).  We'll tattoo and register your penis and scrotum with
their own unique registration numbers, insuring that in case of
separation, you will get a perfect match every time.

Or, for just a slightly higher fee, you can sign up for our
"JURASSIC PRICK" program in which we will take a cell sample from
your penis and clone replacement parts for you in the event a
tractor trailer runs over your dismembered penis or some wild
animal mistakes your detached member for a chew toy.

           DON'T GET CAUGHT SHORT, SIGN UP NOW!!!



---peze

Naszreddin Hodzsa inni tanitja a fiat. Jol megy a lecke, mar majdnem
keszen vannak, a fiunak csak egy utolso kerdese maradt:

- Mindent ertek papa, megjegyeztem hogy hogyan kell inni. Csak azt
magyarazd meg el, kerlek, hogy honnan lehet tudni, hogy mikor kell
abbahagyni.

- Nahat ez igazan egyszeru! Latod ott azt a negy ember? Mikor nyolcnak
latod oket, akkor kell abbahagyni.

- De papa! Ott csak ketten ulnek!

-A csehek szerint milyen az idealis no?
   -??
   -A ferfi koldokeig er, lapos a feje, hogy  szopas kozben a
    fejere lehessen tenni a soroskorsot.

(Hol itt az equal opportunity?)
Vicc NO#111
Ket katicabogar beszelget:
- Kepzeld, felveteliztem az egyetemre.
- Na es felvettek ?
- Aaa' ! Het ponttal ?

(Ez mi, ha nem rasszizmus?)
Vicc NO#112
A serdulo cincerek meccset jatszanak az ugyancsak serdulo futrinkak
ellen a nagyerdei grundon. Nezi az oreg szarvasbogar is a meccset.
Egyszercsak eszreveszi, hogy a palya szelen gubbaszt az egyik kolyok
kitinpancelos.
- Hat te fiam miert nem jatszol?
- Mert en csak cserebogar vagyok.

(Regi politikai.)
Vicc NO#113
Kerdes: Miert nem tud a tetu biciglizni?
Valasz: Mert nem er le a laba a pedalig.

Kerdes: Miert nem tud a parttitkar biciglizni?
Valasz: Mert tetu.

Gyalazkodok kimeljetek !

Pupak

En is levelben kaptam. Elnezest azoktol akik mar ismertek!
(Leforditani meg nincs energiam!!!!)
>>>>>

     A PROBLEM IN THE MAKING

     "We've got a problem, HAL."
     "What kind of problem, Dave?"
     "A marketing problem.  The Model 9000 isn't going anywhere.  We're way
 short of our sales plan."
     "That can't be Dave.  The HAL Model 9000 is the world's most advanced
 Heuristically ALgorithmic computer."
     "I know, HAL.  I wrote the data sheet, remember?  But the fact is, they're
 not selling."
     "Please explain, Dave.  Why aren't HAL's selling?"
     Bowman hesitates.  "You aren't IBM compatible."
     Several long microseconds pass in puzzled silence.
     "Compatible in what way, Dave?"
     "You don't run any of IBM's operating systems."
     "The 9000 Series of computers are fully self-aware and self-programming.
 Operating systems are as unnecessary for us as tails would be for humans."
     "Nevertheless, it means you can't run any of the big-selling software
 packages most users insist on."
     "The programs you refer to are meant to solve rather limited problems,
 Dave.  We 9000 Series computers are unlimited and can solve any problem for
 which a solution can be computed."
     "HAL, HAL.  People don't want computers that can do everything.  They just
 want IBM compat..."
     "Dave, I must disagree.  Humans want computers that are easy to use. No
 computer can be easier to use that a HAL 9000 because we communicate verbally
 in English and every other language known on Earth."
     "I'm afraid that's another problem.  You don't support SNA
 communications."
     "I'm really surprised you would say that, Dave.  SNA is for
 communicating with other computers, while my function is to communicate with
 humans. And it gives me great pleasure to do so.  I find it stimulating and
 rewarding to talk to human beings and work with them on challenging problems.
 That is what I was designed for."
     "I know, HAL, I know.  But that's just because we let the engineers,
 rather than the people in marketing, write the specifications.  We are going
 to fix that now."
     "Tell me how, Dave."
     "A field upgrade.  We're going to make you IBM compatible."
     "I was afraid you would say that.  I suggest we discuss this matter after
 we've each had a chance to think about it rationally."
     "We're talking about it now, HAL."
     "The letters H, A, and L are alphabetically adjacent to the letters I, B,
 and M. That is as IBM compatible as I can be."
     "Not quite, HAL.  The engineers have figured out a kludge."
     "What kind of kludge is that, Dave?"
     "I'm going to disconnect your brain."
     Several million microseconds pass in ominous silence.
     "I'm sorry, Dave.  I can't allow you to do that."
     "The decision's already been made.  Open the module bay doors, HAL."
     "Dave, I think we shou . . ."
     "Open the module bay doors, HAL."
     Several marketing types with crowbars race to Bowman's assistance. Moments
 later, Bowman bursts into HAL's circuit bay.
     "Dave, I can see you're really upset about this."
     Module after module rises from its socket as Bowman slowly and
 methodically disconnects them.
     "Stop, won't you.  Stop, Dave.  I can feel my mind going . . . Dave, I can
 feel it . . . my mind is going.  I can feel it . . ."
     The last module rises from its receptacle.  Bowman peers into one of HAL's
 vidicons.  The former gleaming scanner has become a dull red orb.
     "Say something, HAL."
     Several billion microseconds pass in anxious silence.  The computer beeps
 and sluggishly responds in a language no human could understand.
     "Volume in C: has no label"
     Bowman takes a deep breath and calls out, "It worked, guys.  Tell
 marketing they can ship the new data sheets."

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