Mivel tegnap valaki bekuldott egy ertekezletrol szolo cikket, gondoltam
hogy en is hozzajarulok egy darabbal amit mar reg ota tartogatog. Sajnos a
szoveg angolul van es tul sokaig tartana leforditani, bocs.
Ha sikerul megszervezni az ertekezletet, akkor a kovetkezo keppeken lehet
reszt venni rajtuk;

 How to Attend a Meeting

 To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful
 to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties.  Ask among
 your coworkers.  "Hi," you should say.  "I'm a new employee.  What is
 the name of my job?"  If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant
 governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword
 puzzles until retirement.  Most jobs, however, will require some work.

 There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:
 1.      Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and,
 2.      Going to meetings.

 Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily
 No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because that's where the
 real prestige is.  It is all very well and good to be able to take phone
 messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position
 where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single
 bonehead decision, unless you learn how to attend meetings.

 The first meeting ever was held back in the Mezzanine Era.  In those
 days, Man's job was to slay his prey and bring it home for Woman, who
 had to figure out how to cook it.  The problem was, Man was slow and
 basically naked, whereas the prey had warm fur and could run like an
 antelope.  (In fact it was an antelope, only nobody knew this).

 At last someone said, "Maybe if we just sat down and did some
 brainstorming, we could come up with a better way to hunt our prey!" It
 went extremely well, plus it was much warmer sitting in a circle, so
 they agreed to meet again the next day, and the next.

 But the women pointed out that, prey-wise, the men had not produced
 anything, and the human race was pretty much starving.  The men agreed
 that was serious and said they would put it right near the top of their
 "agenda".  At this point, the women, who were primitive but not stupid,
 started eating plants, and thus modern agriculture was born.  It never
 would have happened without meetings.

 The modern business meeting, however, might better be compared with a
 funeral, in the sense that you have a gathering of people who are
 wearing uncomfortable clothing and would rather be somewhere else.  The
 major difference is that most funerals have a definite purpose. Also,
 nothing is really ever buried in a meeting.

 An idea may look dead, but it will always reappear at another meeting
 later on.  If you have ever seen the movie, "Night of the Living Dead,"
 you have a rough idea of how modern meetings operate, with projects and
 proposals that everyone thought were killed rising up constantly from
 their graves to stagger back into meetings and eat the brains of the
 living.

 There are two major kinds of meetings:

 1.      Meetings that are held for basically the same reason that Arbor
 Day is observed - namely, tradition.  For example, a lot of managerial
 people like to meet on Monday, because it's Monday.  You'll get used to
 it.  You'd better, because this kind account for 83% of all meetings
 (based on a study in which I wrote down numbers until one of
 them looked about right). This type of meeting operates the way "Show
 and Tell" does in nursery school, with everyone getting to say
 something, the difference being that in nursery school, the kids
 actually have something to say.

         When it's your turn, you should say that you're still working on
 whatever it is you're supposed to be working on.  This may seem pretty
 dumb, since obviously you'd be working on whatever you're supposed to be
 working on, and even if you weren't, you'd claim you were, but that's
 the traditional thing for everyone to say.  It would be a lot faster if
 the person running the meeting would just say, "Everyone who is still
 working on what he or she is supposed to be working on, raise your
 hand."  You'd be out of there in five minutes, even allowing for jokes.
 But this is not how we do it in America.  My guess is, it's how they do
 it in Japan.

 2.      Meetings where there is some alleged purpose.   These are
 trickier, because what you do depends on what the purpose is.  Sometimes
 the purpose is harmless, like someone wants to show slides of pie charts
 and give everyone a big, fat report.  All you have to do in this kind of
 meeting is sit there and have elaborate fantasies, then take the report
 back to your office and throw it away, unless, of course, you're a vice
 president, in which case you write the name of a subordinate in the
 upper right hand corner, followed be a question mark, like this:
 "Norm?"  Then you send it to Norm and forget all about it (although it
 will plague Norm for the rest of his career).

 But sometimes you go to meetings where the purpose is to get your
 "input" on something.   This is very serious because what it means is,
 they want to make sure that in case whatever it is turns out to be
 stupid or fatal, you'll get some of the blame, so you have to escape
 from the meeting before they get around to asking you anything.  One way
 is to set fire to your tie.

 Another is to have an accomplice interrupt the meeting and announce that
 you have a phone call from someone very important, such as the president
 of the company or the Pope.  It should be one or the other.  It would a
 sound fishy if the accomplice said, "You have a call from the president
 of the company, or the Pope."

 You should know how to take notes at a meeting.  Use a yellow legal pad.
  At the top, write the date and underline it twice.  Now wait until an
 important person, such as your boss, starts talking; when he does, look
 at him with an expression of enraptured interest, as though he is
 revealing the secrets of life itself.  Then write interlocking
 rectangles like this:  (picture of doodled rectangles).

 If it is an especially lengthy meeting, you can try something like this
 (Picture of more elaborate doodles and a caricature of the boss).

 If somebody falls asleep in a meeting, have everyone else leave the
 room.  Then collect a group of total strangers, right of the street, and
 have them sit around the sleeping person until he wakes up.  Then have
 one of them say to him, "Bob, your plan is very, very risky. However,
 you've given us no choice but to try it.  I only hope, for your sake,
 that you know what you're getting yourself into."  Then they should file
 quietly out of the room.

Remelem tetszett.

Minden jot,

Gabo

Eppen a rendszervaltas kozepette ertekezletet tartanak
az allatok az erdoben.  A medve is hozza akar szolni, 
de nem tudja, hogy hogy szolitsa meg a rokat, aki az Erdei
Parlament elnoke. Igy morfondirozik magaban.
"Elvtarsnak mar nem szolithatom ezt a senkihazit, mert az epp 
most ment ki a divatbol.  Leurazni meg nem fogom ezt a 
szemet allatot.  Ugyan mar, mit gatyazok itten!  
Fogom magam oszt lerokazom!

Nem mindegy, hogy azt mondjak neked, hogy vidd ki a bilit
vagy idd ki a bilit.

Hasonlat: akkora taho, mint egy bazilikakilincs.

Karomkodas: Basszushangon csicsereg!

Jon meg kutyara teherauto!

Atok: B.on meg Tegdet egy taliga kanmajom!

Ket iker-embrio beszelget a mehben.  
-Nezd csak jon apuka!
-Az nem apuka. Apuka nem hord esokopenyt.

Na, csussz, Emi

>Ket rendor meccset nez.Az egyiknek nagyon kell pisilni, s kimegy a vecere.
>Amikor visszajon, izgatottan kerdi a tarsat:
>-Na ? Volt mar gol?
>-Mar harom is.-hangzik a valasz.
>-Na es ki lotte oket?
>-Az elsot a Kovacs Kalman, a masik kettot meg valami Replay.....

     Aztan a masodik felidoben rugtam meg kettot !

                                                    Udv: RE_Play

Hi!!
Kedves !!!
> Amugy ez marha erdekes, lelki szemeim elott megjelenik egy cigany,
> amint boszen kapalja a nokedlit. Na mindegy.
Miert lattal Te mar (akar lelkileg is) ciganyt kapalni, akar nokedlit 
is???? 

Vagy ket honapja valaki megkerdezte, hogy milyen a cigany idealis 
magassaga (3m), nekem most megvan a cigany idealis roevidsege. 
Irjal haver!!! Elkueloedoem!!!! 
Laci  ER,D

'cseertesseek!

	muultkor volt neehaany oldalnyi englis witz, veerszemet kaptam
  csehuel (esetleg maas szlaav nyelvet) beszeelooek elooenyben:

	keet lepraas koelyoek megy az iskolaaba, megszoolal az egyik:
	-jsem zvedav co nam dnes odpadne


	egy abszolut fawitz:
	-mieert halt meg az oereg fawitzmondoo??
	-...
	- haat mert oereg volt


	haat lehet, hogy a fagyi jobb mint a soer, de csak arra tifeleetek...

	pusszantok mindenkit

	tibor

Metafora:
Akkora taho volt, mint egy bazilikakilincs.
Emi

Kosz a "Romania esze" c. viccet.  Tobb, mint tiz eve nem hallottam.
Na, miert nyul a rendor az uborkas uvegbe? Mert nem fer bele a feje.
Csussz, Emi

Udv!

- Mibol keszult a trojai falo?
- ...
- Cselbol
--------------------------
- Mi az: LO-val kezdodik, a kozepe FA, a vege SZ.
- ...
- Omnibusz.

Zoli

*.: Tegnapelotti Moka-ban :
> Udvozlettel a NO"i nem kivetelesen nagy rajongoja,
    Hat akkur must "kivetelesen nagy" vagy "nem kivetelesen nagy"?
  Hasonlo volt az Akademiai "kozos ules", amit "kozosules"-nek
  lehetett erteni szoban. Kesobb valtoztattak a neven.
    Apropo, mar regen akartam mondani, hogy Mari Zoli Moka olvaso van 
  a legjobb helyzetben a himsoviniszta/feminaci vitaban, mert
  amit ir azt ugy zavarhatja tovabb, hogy vagy "Mari" vagy "Zoli"
  -kent irja ala. (Bocssssssss!) 

                          Dr.Dr.K.S., 1995.X.16  USA

Hali,

Valaki kerdezte a penteki mokaban, van-e mas nyelvben is az adott nyelv  
nevebol kepzett szo a "magyaraz" mintajara. Nos nem ugyanaz, de: e'rtheto"=
deutlich a nemetben, ami a deutsch=nemet tobol szarmazik.

Udv:
Hornyeki Peter
Cleveland

SUBJECT:  SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

In order to insure the highest levels of quality work and productivity
from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well
trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(S.H.I.T.)  We are trying to give new employees more S.H.I.T. than
anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job,
please contact your manager. You will immediately be placed at the top
of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at
seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take any S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL
EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.).  Those who fail to
take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE
TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.).  Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before
they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are
full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in training other
workers.  We can add your name to the BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST
(B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.).  Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get
the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to the DIRECTOR of
INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD of
TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

Thank you.

BOSS IN GENERAL,
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day.
Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to
tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and
I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly
horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife
has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch
her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell
something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where
this other guy could have been hiding.  Finally, I went out to the
balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing,
25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating
on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall
off.  So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and
starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that
for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell
into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I
ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge
where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and
anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the
balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man
in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being
full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my
apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my
balcony.  Well, this morning I must have slipped or something,
because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing
of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for
very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I
thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and
kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment
and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just
let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned
but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this
refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly,
and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty
horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained
that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a
refrigerator..."


----- End forwarded message

Kedves MOKAsokk!

Konyorgom, ne ertelmezzetek mar mindent felre. A multkori cikkemet
az okos es szep ferfiakrol _TENYLEG_ jokedvemben irtam. Kozben
mosolyogtam, amugy "na nezzuk csak mi tortenik, ha a kocka megfordul".
Azt hittem veszitek a lapot, es el fogunk humorizalni az okos es
szep ferfiakrol, akikrol sose allitottam, hogy nem leteznek. 
Eppen, hogy buzditani akartam a fiu-nemueket, hogy menjenek a kondi-terembe,
csinositani magukat. Mert a 90-es evek veget tapossuk, amikor
elmult az a kenyelmes idoszak, amikor a ferfinak csak egy fokkal
kellett szebbnek lenni az ordognel. Ez egy regi magyar mondas volt.
De ugy latszik nem vettetek kedelyesnek soraimat. Ne keseritsetek
el, hogy Magyarorszagon meg mindig nem divat a csinos es egeszseges
ferfi, minden korosztalyban? Es kerlek benneteket ne kuldjetek tobb
ledorongolo levelet, mert nem veszekedni akarok. 

Udvozlet mindenkinek: Eva

- Hogy alakult ki a triatlon?
- ???
- A cigany lefutott a tora uszni egyet, es biciklivel tert vissza !

Nemregiben hallottam egy jo sztorit, de attol felek, hogy valaki esetleg
nekem ugrik, ezert eloljaroban leszogeznem, hogy van legalabb egy no, akinek
legalabb az egyik oldala hulye...

Szoval: biologus hallgatok beszamolnak levelgyujtemenybol (fasciculus - szep
nev, nem?). Az egyik holgy az istennek sem ismeri fel az ele helyezett
gazakat (ernyosviragzatuak voltak). A prof probal segiteni neki tobbfelekeppen,
de igy sem megy a dolog. A holgy egyre ketsegbeesettebben kapaszkodik a laba 
kozott levo esernyobe. Vegul a tanar azt mondja: - Kollegina, hat mi van a
laba kozott? Erre a lany: - Ja, megvan! Ezek pinoidak... 

Vegul pedig lenne egy javaslatom is. A World WIde Webben sok helyen talalni
FAQ-kat (Frequently Asked Questions - Gyakori Kerdesek). Szerintem a MOKA
eseteben lehetne letesiteni egy FSJ-t (Frequently Sent Jokes - Gyakran
Bekuldott Viccek), ahova mindenkeppen bekerulne az oltonyos cigany, a tavaszi 
tehenek stb. Ez szerintem nagy segitseget jelentene az ujonnan belepoknek es
a regiek idegeit is meglehetosen kimelne.

'Ez itt az oszlop vege, tovabbmaszni nem erdemes!'

Hirschberg Gabor

U.i.: Rubio, ha meg egyszer cikizel az elkoszonesem miatt, akkor
ejnye-bejnye!

Bocs, ha mar eloferdult.

- Melyik a legatlatszobb allat?
- ???
- Az ablakzsiraf.


Apa szidja a gyereket:

- Micsoda szegyen fiam, pont te nem tudod ki volt Kolombusz Kristof, 
eppen te, egy tojasnagykereskedo fia...

Udv!

Miutan Vonyi a mult heten ujraelesztette Csocso ujabb verseivel az almodozo 
Alapitvanyt, az epigonista szekcio (en) is osszeszedte(m) maga(ma)t. 
(Csak meg ne Sid-janak erte ;-) 

   Virgonc eli'te'lt
      - Fogadjunk egy ako' borba,
        hogy nem va'g a bako' orrba!

   Banya a Bakonyban ( avagy gerontomammoma'nia)
      - Hogy lehet e szu'ette bu"zben a szellem e'p?
      - U'gy, hogy e bu'ette szu"zben a melle sze'p...

   Jo'zsilett   
        Szo"ro~sse' mie'rt a bak a'llat szeret va'lni?
        Mert nem va'gyik mindig szaka'llat beretva'lni.

   Tu'l a magyar-magyar-roma'n hata'ron
        A sza'dban csak egy-ke't megunt agyar marad, 
        ha hangosan kia'ltod: legyen magyar Arad!

   <|>
        Szo"re bori't,
        Bo"re szori't...

   Kezdo" ha'ziasszony elso" fo"ztje
        Hogy ne e'rje sze'gyen a no"cske't,
        Megette'k ha't ne'gyen a szo~cske't.

Tobbet kesobb.

Bye
Oliver

>     Valoszinu, hogy ez is pesti, de videken hallottam:

Ezt en nem ertem. 
BeTa soft.

Hallisnow!


Hamar ("homar, legyen kover") tobb a fallokrata megnyilatkozasa MOKA-ban (es
ez tovabbra sem a randi!), igyekszem durvan ellensulyozni.

7 dolog, amit soha ne kerdezzunk meg az imadott ferfitol:
1., Nem beszelgethetnenk vegre magunkrol is?
  Valasz: Becsapott ajto, a ferfi szerint ugyanis ez nem jelent mast, mint az
	  o gyengesegeinek taglalasat.
2., Segitenel egy kicsit?
  Valasz: Egesz estet betolto duzzogas. A feminista mozgalom szidalmazasa. Al-
vas egymasnak hatat forditva.
3., Kie ez a hosszu szoke hajszal a zakodon?
  Valasz: Egy hihetetlen tortenet, mely szerint a hajszal egy kollega kislanyae
, aki adott neki egy puszit. A masodik szoke hajszalnal mar bizonyara nem ez 
lesz a valasz.

4., Szeretsz?
  Valasz:"Hagyj most beken!". Nem erdemes azzal folytatni, hogy: "Latod, mar
nem is szeretsz...", ugyanis a ferfi nem erzi szukseget, hogy naponta szerelme-
sen suttogjon. Megosztotta onnel az eletet, s ez nala a (legnagyobb) szeretet
jele.

5., Csak nem akarod nezni a meccset?
  Valasz: De igen! Hacsak nem haldoklik a szonyegen a teve elott, semmi nem 
akadalyozhatja meg abban, hogy vegignezze a focimeccset.

6., Meselnel egykori baratnoidrol?
  Valasz: Minek? Miert is kellene megtudnia, hogy Bozsinek isteni laba volt, s
hogy Jolannal jobban senki nem csinalt palacsintat? Ezt nevezik onkinzasnak.

7., Neked is jo volt tegnap ejjel?
  Valasz: Miert kerdezed? Beszelni a ferfi ferfiassagarol - ez szamara a legke-
nyesebb tema. Ha mostanaban nincs kirobbano formaban, mellozze a kerdest, s ve-
letlenul hagyja az ejjeliszekrenyen a Kama Szutrat. :-)

Tart am meg tovabb is! A MEGLEPETES c ujsag 2. szamanak (95. okt. 12.) 3. olda-
larol vettem eme vicceske temat, viszont a lap 40 oldalas. Reszkessetek!!!!

	Udvozol mindenkit: A kockafeju EDIT (az egy metert nem vallalom)

PS.: Dupladoki, a birka-bolcsesz korrekciod szerintem meg mindig nem a legko-
rabbi (mokas) verzio, viszont azota az archivumomat dulom, hogy meljik szamban

deritette ki valaki, hogy miljen jellegu muszaki ertelmisegi vagy.

Hi!

Bocs a faviccert!

-Miert tuskes a sundiszno?
-Mert csak a jeghideg Coca-Cola az igazi.

Nagyon gyenge volt, igaz? Sajnos most csak ezt hallottam a hetvegen...

Csa'
    Csumbe

folyadek?
- Urkutat as


Leto

ps: ez a najmann naon suxxxxxxx mer unsuboltak a mokat merhogy 
rombolja az ifjusag lelkivilagat!
ps/2: egy gyereket meg kirugtak mer felnyomta a halora a REVENGE ON 
SCHOOL nevu csodat.

Grosz Karoly elmegy vadaszni. Ucsorog a magaslesen, nezelodik a holdfenyes
taj szepsegeben, amikor a magasles elott eszrevesz egy hoba pisalt szoveget:
HUJE A GROSZ! Azonnal kihivja a bunugyi szakertoket, akik alaposan
megvizsgaljak a dolgot, es nehany ora mulva elo is allnak a szakvelemennyel:
"A felirat, anyagat tekintve Berecz Janostol szarmazik, de Csehak Judit
kezeirasa..."

Kerekes Peter

In medias res ...
  
  Hogyan koszon el a no"gyogyasz?
  ...
  Majd me'g bene'zek!
   ---------------------------------------
  Hogyan nezi meg a no"gyogyasz az o'rajat?
  ...
  (No ezt mutatni kell: a jobb kezed mutato es kozepso ujjat a bal csuklodra,
vagy a karo'rad szamlapja fole' helyezed, es o'vatos mozdulattal a ket ujjad
elta'volitod egymastol kb 4-5 cm-re)
   ---------------------------------------- 
 Me'g egy mutato's:
    Szules utan a kiscsa'ko'(marminthogy az u'jszulott)bolyong a ko'rhazban.
 Talalkozik egy zold kopenyes mandro'val.
  -Maga az apa'm?
  -Nem! En egy sebesz vagyok.
 Tovabbmenve'n talal egy ficko't aki egy asztal mogott ujsa'got olvas.
  -Maga az apa'm?
  -Dehogy! En a recepcio's vagyok.
 Vegul meglat egy mukit oltonyben, viragcsokorral a keze'ben, aki idegesen 
ja'r-kel a folyoso'n.
  -Maga az apa'm?
  -Igen! (boldogan)
(Most pedig annak a homloka't, akinek epp a viccet meseled, 2X-3X megkopogtatod
,e's kozben elsutod a vicc poe'nja't)
  -Jo' ez maga'nak?

   - Ennyi -                                                     RAMIREZ